Christocentric

This is a repost from the Concerned Women for America website. I thought it’s time for us to be reminded on the best ways in witnessing to the homosexual in light of increasing acceptance of their lifestyle. Many are no longer hiding their sexual orientation and as a result, more and more of us who do not accept their lifestyle are having to deal with their openness.

How do we go about that? This article is a great reminder of how we are to be with people who’s lifestyle’s are contrary to God’s Word.
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How Christians Can Talk to Homosexuals
By Yvette Schneider
2/26/2004

A former lesbian explains how to reach out to homosexual friends and family members.

Everywhere I go, people ask me how they can talk to their homosexual friends and family members. That question always makes me think about a young man named Jeff with whom I worked several years ago at a law firm in downtown Los Angeles. Jeff was a Christian who had deep religious convictions. He carried a Bible with him and wallpapered his office with index cards containing Scripture verses. When I first met Jeff, I was a lesbian activist who disliked outspoken Christians. But because of his persistent good will and kindness toward me as a person, Jeff disarmed me and later was instrumental in my conversion to Christianity. He modeled how Christian people should demonstrate compassion and kindness.

BUILD FRIENDSHIPS
As Christians, our primary concern for others should be for who they are as individuals created in God’s image. Jeff was concerned for me as a person, not about my homosexuality. In an attempt to strike up a conversation, every Monday morning Jeff would ask me about my weekend. Considering that what I did over the weekend was offensive to Jeff as a Christian, I did not want to discuss my personal life with him. But after several months, I realized that Jeff wasn’t asking me about my weekend so he could look down on me or ridicule me behind my back. He was genuinely interested in my life and what was important to me, because he cared about me as a person.

After some time, I realized that Jeff was friendly toward me because he wanted to be my friend. In the beginning, I was suspicious of his motives, and thought he was friendly toward me for the sole purpose of “converting” me. I believed that anyone who disagreed with me or disapproved of my behavior was rejecting me and couldn’t possibly care about me. Jeff showed me that he could disapprove of my lifestyle and oppose my worldview while genuinely caring about me and my well-being. I had never experienced that from anyone, especially a Christian. The Christians I had come into contact with at gay and lesbian pride parades only shouted at me that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Jeff never uttered a harsh word toward me, but always treated me with dignity and respect. As a result, I began opening up to Jeff and telling him about different things that were happening in my life. He would usually respond by opening his Bible and finding applicable Scriptures. That was the first time anyone related the teachings of the Bible to my life in a practical way. Eventually, I looked forward to hearing what the Bible had to say about issues that were personal to me. When my neighbors beat up two men leaving a gay bar down the street, Jeff read to me the story of the good Samaritan. I knew from that story that even though I was afraid of what my neighbors might do to me in retaliation, I had to report them to the police.

God does not only guide us in the right way to live, Jeff told me. He is primarily interested in people on a personal level, even someone like me. At the time, I didn’t believe in God, but to hear that I could have a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe touched an empty place in my heart.

DISCUSS A VARIETY OF TOPICS
Often when we are aware that someone is involved in sexual sin, we feel obligated to bring it up in conversation, or to find different ways to talk about it. Jeff didn’t badger me about homosexuality being sinful like I thought he would. We talked about the morality of other forms of sex outside of marriage such as fornication, adultery and prostitution. We also discussed abortion, ethics in the work place, and lying, but rarely homosexuality. The only time Jeff mentioned homosexuality was when a celebrity had “come out.” Then Jeff would say that he felt sorry for that person involved in homosexuality, but no more than he felt for someone who was sleeping around or cheating on his wife.

The point Jeff was making was that no one is without sin. We are all fallen creatures. There are no special sins that make some people, but not others, unworthy of God’s presence. As the book of Romans says, all humans have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23¹, 3:10,12²). Every single person needs the redemption of Jesus Christ, from homosexuals, adulterers, liars and thieves to someone who is basically “good.” God loves us enough to have sent His own Son to be the perfect sacrifice needed to redeem us from our sin (John 3:16³, Romans 8:32⁴).

PREPARE TO TALK ABOUT THE TOUGH ISSUES
Don’t be afraid to talk about homosexuality if it comes up in conversation. People need to hear the truth, but truth must always be accompanied by grace. Jeff prepared himself on the topic of homosexuality so he could converse with me intelligently when the subject arose. He familiarized himself with the Scriptures that addressed homosexual behavior, knowing that eventually we would talk about it. We as Christians need to be able to share our faith with others at any moment in time, regardless of the context. We have to diligently prepare for those opportunities (2 Timothy 2:15⁵, 1 Peter 3:15⁶, 2 Timothy 4:2⁷).

It would have been easier and more comfortable for Jeff (and for me) if he had steered clear of discussing homosexuality. But when the topic came up, Jeff spoke honestly and straightforwardly with grace and compassion. He addressed the topic of homosexuality confidently with Biblical principles, without becoming defensive or apologetic. Jeff suspected that I would not respond well to hearing that the Bible says homosexual behavior is sinful, yet that did not keep him from gently and respectfully telling me the truth.

Jesus told us not to fear the reactions of people (Luke 12:4-5⁸). Jesus never backed down, but was always bold when facing hostility. The Pharisees challenged Jesus with tough questions in an attempt to trap Him and find fault with His answers. They wanted Him to either anger the Roman authorities or contradict Jewish law, resulting in a destroyed ministry and maybe even death (Matthew 22:15-22⁹, John 8:3-11¹⁰). Jesus never avoided the Pharisees’ questions, even though they were motivated by evil intentions. His answers were meant to draw the Pharisees’ attention to their own hardened and sinful hearts.

Jeremiah also spoke the truth in the face of adversity. The Israelites repeatedly beat Jeremiah for proclaiming God’s word. But Jeremiah could not stop speaking the truth (Jeremiah 20:9¹¹). There are times when the truth will insult and even alienate some people. As Christians, we have to expect this. Jesus said that people would hate us for speaking the word of God (Matthew 10:22¹², John 15:18-21¹³).

The truth of the word of God is evident in everyday life. We know according to God’s word and according to science that no one is “born gay,” that many people have abandoned homosexuality and that homosexual behavior is dangerous and destructive both to individuals engaging in those acts and to the fabric of society.

OPEN UP ABOUT YOURSELF
Jeff was always willing to talk to me about what was happening in his own life. He was not reluctant to expose his own weaknesses and shortcomings. Most people will not share personal issues with someone who will not reveal information about himself or herself. Like everyone else, Jeff wasn’t perfect. But his desire was to be obedient to God. Despite his faults, Jeff would never stop striving to obey God.

We often need to experience our powerlessness over our weaknesses before we will cry out to God for help. When we depend entirely on God’s strength and not our own, our weakness is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10¹⁴). God knows we can’t be perfect, but we can count on Him to give us the strength needed to do what is right.

BE HUMBLE TOWARD OTHERS
We need to treat all people with respect. Respect includes apologizing to someone we may have offended. I believed that Christians thought they were better than me. When Jeff treated me with humility and deference, I realized that I had been wrong in my assumption that Christians considered themselves superior to everyone else. I was impressed when Jeff came to me after contentious discussions, and apologized when he thought that he may have offended me. I was amazed that Jeff could defend his Biblical beliefs while treating me with dignity.

EXHIBIT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND CONCERN
But Jeff didn’t just talk about himself, or bring up heavy issues all the time. He genuinely tried to be my friend. For two long years, I resented Jeff for talking about God and the Bible. I didn’t believe in God or the Bible, and I decided that if Jeff would not stop talking about them, I would find a new job. When I wasn’t hired after going on several interviews, I reported Jeff to our boss for proselytizing at work. Every chance I got, I was nasty to Jeff and did everything I could think of to make him detest me. Yet, he was still friendly to me. One day I decided to stop talking to Jeff altogether. I had been ignoring him on and off for months, so I thought that cutting off all communication would be easy.

When Jeff came into the office that day, he put a cup on my desk and said, “Yvette, on my way to work, I bought you a cappuccino.” My cruelty was magnified by his thoughtfulness, and I realized that my heart was stone cold. Jeff was different from anyone I had ever known. He was kind to people who were rude and mean to him. That amazed me. How could someone do that? In the end, it was Jeff’s humility, kindness and sincerity that finally turned my heart.

DON’T FORGET TO PRAY
Befriending someone and graciously sharing the truth with him or her does not guarantee that he will come to know Christ and abandon homosexuality. The Bible says that some of us sow seeds and others water them, but God alone brings the increase. We must be persistent and patient when desiring to see people we know turn from immoral and harmful lifestyles (Galatians 6:9¹⁵). The most important thing we can do is to pray for our friends and family, and never underestimate the transforming power of prayer (James 5:16¹⁶).

Yvette Schneider is a wife and mother in Illinois who is affiliated with the Culture & Family Institute, an affiliate of Concerned Women for America. She and her husband have a ministry to those desiring to leave homosexuality called Living in Victory. Another version of this was originally published by the Family Research Council, based on a lecture she gave on May 24, 2000, to campus ministry groups at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire.

All Scriptures are taken from the New American Standard Version.

1. Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”
2. Romans 3:10, 12: “As it is written, ‘There is none righteous, not even one; . . . all have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is none who does good, there is not even one.’”
3. John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”
4. Romans 8:32: “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?”
5. 2 Timothy 2:15: “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.”
6. 1 Peter 3:15: “But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.”
7. 2 Timothy 4:2: “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.”
8. Luke 12:4-5: “I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him!”
9. Matthew 22:15-22: “Then the Pharisees went and plotted together how they might trap Him in what He said. And they sent their disciples to Him, along with the Herodians, saying, ‘Teacher, we know that You are truthful and teach the way of God in truth, and defer to no one; for You are not partial to any. Tell us then, what do You think? Is it lawful to give a poll-tax to Caesar, or not?’”“But Jesus perceived their malice, and said, ‘Why are you testing Me, you hypocrites? Show Me the coin used for the poll-tax.’ And they brought Him a denarius. And He said to them, ‘Whose likeness and inscription is this?’“They said to Him, ‘Caesar’s.’“Then He said to them, ‘Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.’ And hearing this, they were amazed, and leaving Him they went away.”
10. John 8:3-11: “The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they said to Him, ‘Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?”"They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground.But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court.Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?”She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
11. Jeremiah 20:9: “But if I say, ‘I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name,’ then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.”
12. Matthew 10:22: “You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.”
13. John 15:18-21: “If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own, but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.“Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.“But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me.”
14. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
15. Galatians 6:9: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”
16. James 5:16: “The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”